Worth

At least once a week a patient verbalizes a belief about their worth.  It is usually, "I am not worth anything... anymore"  This makes me incredibly angry!!!  Angry at America who sees age as a weakness.  Angry at health care workers who give the impression that a patient is merely a cog in the machine of hospital.  Angry at myself for not knowing how to respond.  Angry at decay and death, which I don't believe is what God originally intended for this world.  Angry that a patient's body is giving out on them.  Angry... and sad... that a person expressing their felt worthlessness to a perfect stranger probably means that they have fought all their life against feeling worthless. Looking for worth in their body has failed.  Looking for worth in their career has retired.  Looking for worth in their relationships has died. Looking for worth in their money has been paid out in hospital bills.  Looking for worth in their ability and energy has laid down and said, "I am too tired to get up right now."   There I am, 84 and laying in a hospital bed... gorgeous white hair just like my grandma... will I have a sense of worth?  Will I feel the need to tell the first kind person I see that I am worthless?  If 50 year younger me walks into the room what would I say to my older self?