Simple question

Most of my patients come and go in 2-3 days... and honestly they are in so much pain those couple days that actual conversation is limited...  but occasionally someone stays for a whole week and I have a chance for a real conversation with a patient. It was that time in the morning when it is just me, the rehab aide and a patient.  No pressure.  No patients rolling in.  No one with Alzheimer's asking to use the phone.  No patient with cognitive disability asking to have the candy cane pen.  Basically no distractions. A lull. This patient had one question, "How much schooling did you have to do this job?"  Usually, I go with the simple answer, "Two years."  But this day I just kept going, "Two years, a master's program, after four years of undergrad... and I took a 10 year break between the two."  Of course that invited, "What did you do before this?"  I found myself telling her.  I don't tell many people anymore... and as I talked I could hear the aide commenting, "That's so cool, Kara.  I never knew."  My patient summed up my life so far very quickly... "You should write a book. I bet you have so much to say with such an interesting life.  You are never going to find someone to marry.  Who could possible match you after the life you have led?"  No lie... she said it just like that with hardly any pause between the sentences.  I laughed really hard.  It was just the way she said it... so sincere, so quirky and like every good joke almost too much truth.  My response came quickly, surprising me.  "I am pretty blessed to be 34 and had two careers that fit me so well."  That truly is amazing! Then another patient rolled in and our quiet, quirky, enlightening interlude was over.  As I watched her struggle to take off her socks I was in shock.  In a week I would forget this woman's name and yet her simple question gave me a bit of insight into my life that I had been missing.  I have often felt blessed in my second career... but it has been many years since I have felt anything remotely close to blessing from my first career.

Worst. Week. Ever.

It's been a long time since I have had a straight up bad week.  I mean there have been the PMS weeks and finals weeks and mad-at-the-world weeks... but this was a really bad week.  The kind country and blues songs are made of.  I thought maybe I was just grumpy... but then I exploded at the dog and started uncontrollably crying.  It was a legitimate explosion... dog has been puking for 4 days and has now transitioned into diarrhea and she jumped up and pulled down cheese that was half way back on the counter.  I screamed "NO" in the way the kid on The Christmas Story yells "FUDGE".  I completely scared the dog... and as I ran 25 feet to the kitchen I boiled over.  I actually said, "Seriously!!!  You have been sick for four days!!! AND now you want cheese!  Seriously!!!"  By the time I had gotten to "days" tears were streaming down my face and by the time I was back to the couch (cheese safely away from dog) I was in gut-wrenching-uncontrollable sobbing.  No lie. I started work on a Tuesday this week after a four day weekend.. so that seems like a good start right?  But Tuesday and Wednesday at work both OT rehab aides called off.  just like secretarys run the world... so rehab aids run the hospital... for two days I was lost while the dog I was watching was puking at home.  Then Thursday I took some sort of stupid pill... I couldn't put two words together that made sense... and I cried for the first time about the dog.  Then Friday... computers down and I killed a 97 year old lady.  I have rehashed it several times with different people... I treated her like all my other patients... she needed to use the toilet... we tried to stand up... that was all... and 15 minutes later she was having a heart attack.  I have literally done this hundreds of times with hundreds of patients... and this one has a heart attack. good news... puking diarrhea dog is playing fetch... huge step on the road to recovery.  Officially I am rambling and I have considered deleting this post eight times. But as this is the worst week ever... then having the worst post ever... just fits the theme.  Duck is better than rabbit... always.