Merry Christmas Presents

So here it is December 26th and I am at work. I am not feeling terribly well. Probably sick because I have been pushing myself so hard. So in I walk to work... which is mostly dead and what did I find but what appeared to be seasons greetings from several of my students. Thankfully I have learned enough in this job to be suspicious. Instantly I highly doubted that students might actually like me or even know who I am.

So I passed right over those little postcards... which turned out to be little viruses! I would love to go with my techno savvy intuition on this one... but I think it might just be my post-Nog laden brain to praise for not opening those New Year wishes and destroying my computer :)

Merry Christmas!

Festive Holiday

Today I walked up and down the strip trying to find a secret Santa gift last minute. Of course, I was walking with someone else because I had opted out of gifting to avoid the hectic "find a gift" day before the last day of work before Christmas... or in this case the morning of. So we missed an hour of work to pull it off. Oh well :) It has been nice over the last few days to have various Christmas Cards join my lights and snowflake garland. And today the general atmosphere is fun and there is loads of sugar floating around.

So Merry first Christmas in the office to me!

My Phantom Phone

I swear my phone only rings when I am looking right at it. I look at my computer... just for a second and then when I look back... RED LIGHT on for voice mail.


So it is totally not my fault that I sit here staring at my phone for hours on end.

Work is infecting my COFFEE

I have been noticing slowly over time. Little by little my French press coffee is tasting nastier and nastier. Coffee I brew at home tastes fine. But here not so good. It must be the water. I mean the coffee they brew here is right over the I-am-going-to-sue-for-the-sake-of-my-taste-buds and that is why I started brewing my own.

SO action steps. Get a thermos and carry my own coffee to work everyday. It is a minor sacrifice to have good tasting coffee.

Am I getting old?

Don't answer that! I swear though... I sleep one night on a air mattress, spend one road trip in the car and now I will spend a week recovering. At least I have a souvenir of sorts... every time my back complains a bit I will remember that I had a fun weekend.

I could just be fat.

Stupid Numbers

So I was trying to figure out why life was so difficult yesterday and I realized one of the reasons is that with all the numbers I am working with the computer and phone hate each other! The phone lays out its numbers 1 2 3 on the top (see below) and the computer lays it out 1 2 3 on the bottom (see left). Personally I think this is like when you move things just slightly in someone's room... just enough to make them go crazy!

Noisy Apple Eater

Am I one of those people? The noisy apple eaters? I very much am!! But it is just that you take a bite and it is all juicy and you have to suck the juice before it drips onto your desk. I mean at least I don't suck the apple juice off my desk. I do use a napkin for that. But a crispy, juicy apple is a loud food to eat. There is just no way around that!
I will just be "that" girl at work

Crunch!!! SSSSsssschhhhuuuuuuuuuuuppppppp!

Ssschup Smack.

munch munch munch

CRUNCH!!! Ssssssssccchhhhhuuuuuuuuppp


Ahhhhhh

CampusVue

Today I will attend a training for a program that has been talked about since I arrived here. It will solve all of our communication problems. It will release us from the bonds of DOS. It will make the sun shine more often and will give us back parts of our souls that have been taken by repetitive searches. It will make music suddenly play whenever we do something good. It will produce a hologram of our boss shaking a finger at us when we do something bad. It is Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Harry Potter, Willy Wonka, a genie and your Fairy Godmother all wrapped up in one single windows-based program.

And it takes 8 uninterrupted hours to learn how to use it.

Blah!

Death of the first Highlighter

In the last three days I have audited 200 schedules. In other words I went through all of the classes they have taken and had transferred and colored in the ones they have taken.

In yellow.

As I neared the last 15 or so I began to notice my yellow highlighter was giving out on me. I started doing all the things you do to keep it going... push harder... shake it... speak softly to it... YELL... hold it upside down.

Somehow the little highlighter that could made it through the 200 students and I think now that I should frame it and hang it in my cube. The first of many future sacrifices... unless we go to CampusVue.

How did your parents name you?

One of the joys of working with people is you see names and wonder what parents were thinking naming their children.

Here is a sampling of the last few months:

Sunshine Flower

Adam Quackenbush

Shasta Orange

Nichole Money

Cherie Martini

Jack Daniels

Ways your office can make you think you are going insane!

Okay first of all this is not a hard task. true. however, when they do subtle things like move the toilet paper dispenser in your favorite stall from the left side to the right side. that is just mean!

Marvin

When I first started to work here I found a picture of a little boy and his dog. No one knew who he was or who the picture belonged to. So I adopted him and named him Marvin. He's a great kid and his dog is really no fuss at all. I have continually made up stories about him... right now he is my son who ran away. Although according to some here I apparently lost him. If you have a good story I would be more than happy to tell at least one person that story about me and my Marvin!

The VP loves me

Okay so I have calmed down a bit since the last post. I realized that with my whole life in transition, this one little move at work blew me away! But I am better now. Life is settling in down here and I am becoming more visible. I go upstairs once or twice a day to say hi and smile and make copies (I made about 3000 copies yesterday) and that is good for my soul.

Today I got an email from one of my new co-workers in response to an eppology (appology via email)

No need to be sorry. I think, and so do a lot of people, including Kate (VP) who recommended you, that you are doing a FABULOUS job down here. If, I should say when, we hit our numbers, a lot of credit is going to be given to you!

I am finding that "thankless jobs" are really not so good for me. This short email will carry me through another two weeks of hard work as we approach the start of classes. Of course, besides the thanks, I just want a job!

ahhhh DOS

So half way thru the day yesterday I discovered by accident that really all I need to do for my new responsibility is:


123456
F1
Control-u
p
Control-o
cmg
F1
F1

New Number
Repeat



It goes a lot faster now!

New Responsibility

1234567

F1

Control-U

P

Control-O

CMG

Hit return Twice

Down arrow 1-3 times

08292007

hit F1 twice

1234568

F1

control-U

p

control-O

cmg

Hit return twice

down arrow 1-3 times

08292007

F1 twice

repeat

PB&J

I am the queen of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!! Since I have started working here I have pretty much had a sandwich for every lunch. I LOVE THEM! Every Thursday is "extra jelly" day. I was feeling bad for Thursday... so forgotten. Monday is well... Monday and Tuesday is recover from Monday. Wednesday is the neutral day, loved because it is not Monday and hated because it is not Friday. Friday is well... Friday. But poor Thursday. All that it usually gets is a groaning, "Why are you not Friday?". So I have decided to honor the next to best day of the work week by giving it extra jelly. My mouth is happier on Thursdays and I think that is the way it should be!

Examination

Watching students take an exam is like watching snails race.
At first you are excited. This could be an amazing race. I could win some money.
Then after 15 minutes your cheers lessen and you stop watching.
You lay down with your foot at the finish line thinking, "I will take a nap and the first one will wake me up."
You are suprised by first place primarily because you feel so well rested. However you bet on last place and so now you watch to see who will be last.
So you quietly cheer them on, hoping that they will actually finish and that you won't die here of old age.

New Friends

In the last week there has been quite a bit of movement in the cubicles. The training department said good-bye to one of the women who sits in our isle and hello to three others who moved into our isle. At first I was a little sad because our group is a bit secluded where we are and it gives a sense of privacy. But I am over that now. The man who used to sit on the other side of the wall now sits at the end of my isle, which means I walk past him at least 30 times every day. The new man across the wall is Jerry. I met him today and I confess that I have been wanting too... primarily because he is more my age and he is bald. Yes it is true I like bald guys. He is very nice and was eager to talk to me :)
I also met Bill today. Bill is a little slow but very friendly and my heart hurt for him a bit the moment I met him. This is not an easy place to work... kindness and common decency are often in short supply. He was over where the sharks are today and I am not sure anyone other than me was kind to him. I will be fiercely protective if teasing begins near my cubicle!

Updates: Life in the slow cubicle

Well I haven't written for a while because there has been a bit of drama here! On Friday the 10th, the big boss was dismissed. The VP who was directly over the trainers that I work with came in that morning, left that noon and hasn't been seen since. I swear that day someone darkened the lights a little, the white noise fans were dulled and a hush fell across the office. Not because many would miss the man but because many wondered who would be next. That was the first Friday that work seriously happened. There was not much laughing that day. Also I did something that was possibly illegal.

On Wednesday the 15th I worked a half day so that I could hang with Dallas and Kristin and be loved by their beautiful daughters.

On Thursday the 16th, an angel appeared. As we sat in a small room catching our interim boss up on the last year of poor management, wrong direction, and too much responsibility AND suddenly light shown out from all around her and she began to speak words that brought hope and life. We walked out of that meeting a little bit in love with the new boss lady!

Today as we start a second week under this new leadership there are smiles and joy and many balloons!!!

Life in the Rain

I contemplated my life this morning as I stood in the thunderstorm. I was at the edge of an empty lot with a 8 foot tall metal post behind me that read, "BUS STOP" at the top. The lightening was close and I wondered if it made any difference how far I stood from the lightening rod were it to be struck suddenly. Probably not... either way I would get hurt. What a crazy way to go! Standing in the rain at a bus stop.

I lived to get on the bus and off it again.

As I walked to 1400 Penn Ave, I carefully stepped over puddles. I felt the least humid that I have all week. I heard it coming from behind me. A car. Driving close to the side of the road where a small river was rushing madly downhill. I was already 6 feet from the road. I heard the acceleration and knew that I was made. I took two quick steps toward the building just as the car flew past. The wall of water just barely touched me... getting my right shoulder as I turned my hips away so that it missed my legs and feet.

Yes. I still like riding the bus.

Crushed Flower

If you have ever seen Joe vs. the Volcano you may already know the scene that I am talking about. The first time I saw the movie the only scene I remembered was when that foot came crushing down on the beautiful, courageous flower. I was traumatized! For as long as I can remember back into my childhood I have had a deep appreciation for flowers growing auspiciously in harsh conditions.

Yesterday and today I have had glimpses of how this place is like that place where Joe worked. A tiny bit of fear has worked it's way into my excitement as I see the bottom of the foot hovering over me.

Will I be crushed or will I continue to bring a small piece of light in this dark place?

Reassuring Words

Today I stopped by to chat with Margie about a growing problem concerning room reservations and the Facilities people. I was a little concerned because I thought maybe I had sparked the conversation. I wasn't and she told me to not feel guilty by association! As we were problem solving and trying to figure out how we could herd the cats, someone else stepped up to ask Margie a question.

"She did a pretty good job of filling in for you, Margie."

"Yes she did. We are going to keep her. If she thinks she can get away from here she is wrong. The good ones are few and she is good. So she is stuck with us!"

It's not a salary or benefits but Margie does bend the ear of the man who could hire me.

The Man in Cubicle # 104

The man in 104 is a nice guy but I have no idea who he is. He sits right on the corner where I either turn right to go to the printer or left to the copier, training cabinets, training rooms and restrooms. Once in a while I say hello but to say it everytime I went by would be overkill for certain. It is about 27 paces from my cube to his.

Carrots

Carrots are the perfect office snack food. They are not messy. You can munch on them and not worry about getting crumbs in your keyoard. Unless of course you have the ability to projectile spit your food while chewing. They take a long time to chew so you don't eat as much. Although I think I have eaten over a pound of carrots this past week. Carrots are crunchy so you can drown out other office noises by eating them.

The only downside I can see is that they might attract bunnies... and that is scary.

Things I Learn at Work

Stress Management

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals.

The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

See? It really does work . You're smiling already.

My Frequent Destinations

• The copier.

I take 57-60 steps from my desk to the copier. Sometimes you have to take side steps so that you don't run head on into someone. The walkways and hallways here are just small enough that two people walking side-by-side or passing each other are just a little uncomfortable.

• The printer.

37-40 paces if I make it there on the first try. For some reason the printer is always the hardest for me to remember where it is. I think because it is the closest and easiest to find and after getting lost every time I left my desk the first day I always set myself up to be walking for a while and then I just walk right by it. Or I go to the copier because I love the copier.

• The Trainer Cabinets

90 steps. This is the place where I spent a lot of time day one! My people didn't know what to do with me yet and so I organized this deal. Then 5 hours later the order came in and I orgainized it again.

• Margie's Desk

77 paces. Margie is the most wonderful person here. I am currently taking over for her while she goes on vacation. I sat in her cube the other day and had a great chat about working here and what position I might be able to get.

• The Bathroom

57 steps to my favorite stall. Don't laugh. You know you have one too.

• Cafe #2

120 steps to the vending machines and the water/ice machine.

77D, 77F, 77G

Growing up my only experience with the bus was getting stranded somewhere at a bus stop and having to wait for one of my brother's friend's mom to come and get us.
But my Pittsburgh experience of riding the bus to and from work everyday has been glorious! Apparently it is unusual to experience what I have come to call "The Bus Ride High" while riding on public transportation. I have noticed that while I am purely delighted to be riding the bus usually only those under the age of 6 join in my excitement. In fact, on the bus there is a strange "elevator" quiet... the strain of standing much to close to strangers.
As I continue to be consistent in the buses I catch, I begin to see the same people over and over again. Then the silence isn't so much strained as it is familiar. Suddenly there is unheard conversation floating around the bus. As a hospital worker dozes after what was probably an all night shift, grace is given as her head gently knocks against her neighbors shoulder. A slight smile, a look of recognition and the bus driver's always pleasant, "Have a nice day." are much more soothing than any elevator music could ever be.
The other thing I love about riding the bus is that every morning, if I can get a good seat, I get a clear view of the city skyline. My heart still does that little leap of joy whenever I see it and I wonder what silent conversations are going on about me as I suddenly smile at the sight.

Work-Related Injuries

• Blisters on my heels
• Blisters on my heels
• Strained shin muscles
• Near collisions hurt my confidence
• Paper cuts of course (although my worst paper cut came from a Blockbuster envelope)
• Addiction to Friday
• Cardboard cuts

First Paycheck

Isn't this hysterical? That is an actual sticker on my pay stub! I don't know who put it there but I love that person!! What a fantastic idea. It brought a smile to my face and I think that a warm fuzzy was born somewhere. Well done check person! I might even say "Terrific!"

The Foot Canundrum

Feet were never meant to wear shoes. In the Garden of Eden the man and the woman were not ashamed of their naked feet. But in this fallen work place dress code curses cause us to wear the restricting pieces of leather and plastic that make sharp sounds as we walk on the hard floors.

For me it is especially painful. I have been blessed with skin that easily bruises and blisters. Also one of my feet is slightly larger than the other. So daily I am faced with choices regarding footwear.

• Do I let my right foot be comfortable whilst my left foot suffers blisters?
• Do I sooth my left foot whilst my right foot loses circulation?
• Do I wear the brown sandals that are actually a little small but look nice?
• Do I wear the slightly too large black sandal heels that make everybody happy but increase the risk of sudden horizontal posture?

Fatalities in the Work Place

It was my fault. I didn't know that it would turn out like this. Still I am saddened by the death of my pinkie ring.
I was sitting sideways in my office chair... just to be sitting a different way. When I turned back to face the chair forward my pinkie finger on my left hand got caught between the desk and the arm of my chair. The ring with no thought of itself sacrificed so that my finger would be saved from terrific damage. And so the tiny fake jewel was torn from the ring giving me enough time to shift my weight and keep all my work related injuries to my feet.

Thank you pinkie ring. I will always remember the times we had together. I will never forget your great, selfless sacrifice. I will hold you in my heart always.

# 130

My little cubicle... which I have since realized is the "cube". It is number 130. I sit one cube away from a red wall...a warm red. It is the former Director's cube and he was let go. I have a standing file and a calander and a couple pictures. OH! and a phone with an extension. That's my little 130... maybe if I stay here full time then I will name and decorate some more.